It can get better. This post is simply to remind myself that I have come so far. I’m writing this because I just blogged about launching a new business and one of my old posts showed up below it, I Just Missed the Noise. Curious about what I was missing, I clicked and it took me back, guys.
If I remember it right, this was written during the first week of my work-from-home setup, just as I was having a really bad day.
To give some context: I spent two months “floating” after the US’ economic meltdown in 2009 and was eventually forced to resign because the company couldn’t find a client and is losing customers left and right. I wasn’t getting paid in the two months I spent floating. It was at this point that a friend of mine introduced the work-from-home setup.
Admittedly, I scoffed at the idea of working from home because I love dressing up. But I relented after getting trouble finding work. When I accepted the work from home setup, I went back home to the province. I didn’t give up our apartment, we still kept that place until I left the city for good in 2016. I just came back home to minimize my daily expenses.
This particular post made me remember the hopelessness that came from going back writing smut thangs, getting acquainted from working at home, dealing with my overbearing father on a daily basis, losing a client, and taking care of mounting quotas. I guess this verse just hit me, man:
“Fact of the matter is, I’m fully aware of the consequences. I don’t really want anyone to remind me that this was a very stupid decision because that’s basically what I tell myself every waking hour. That there’s absolutely no chance in hell for me to improve my writing if I keep this up. That I’m back on square one. That I shouldn’t do something I hate it. That I should keep trying. That I shouldn’t settle for anything less. That I can do better.
If there is one thing that I learned in life so far, it’s that doing what you hate is never worth the time, money, and effort. It’s just not. If you are miserable day in and day out, something has got to change because that’s no way to live life.
Also, a piece of advice: this too shall pass. Sounds cliche but it’s true, guys. At least it is, for me. I survived and though I’m still learning every day, life got better. Everything has a way of sorting itself out, that’s God’s truth. I wish I could travel back in time, give my younger self a pat on the head, and say, durr durr.