Archives for February 2009

I got a couple of calls from a couple of friends yesterday. One was an S.O.S from a distressed girlfriend and one was a hey-yo-what’s-up-with-you kind of call. The former was a bit worrisome because this friend of mine recently went through a rough break up from her asshole ex who, as I learned later, faked his way through the last two years of their relationship. The whole situation reminded me of the time when Sharon Stone, who was known thoughout Hollywood for having a great ass and an I.Q. to match, uttered the now immortal phrase,  “Women can fake orgasms while men can fake a whole relationship “

I had mixed feeling over her gripes because I was dismayed that she was still talking to that jerk after all the dramz! Of course, I can’t blame her because I know she’s in shock and that at the very least, she seeks closure. However, it would be smart to avoid talking to that jacktard for a while just so she can let herself move on, or at the very least, let off steam. Otherwise she might do something she’ll probably regret when she does things out of anger.

 I really felt bad that I couldn’t be there with her during this time that even though I abhor the idea of going back to the noisy metro, I told her I’d be back in the city after my birthday and that we can meet up for lunch and talk.

Speaking of which, it’s five days before I hit the relatively big 2-6 and I’d be lying if I say I’m not dreading that day. Being a person who’s prone on having Peter Pan complex, I’m pretty much floored with the realization that I’m suddenly growing old despite my efforts not to! Hahahaha! Last year I got inked on my birthday and  as a gift for myself this year, I plan to get cable, hahahaha! God, it’s pathetic, I know.

Also, I heard from the grapevine that one of the iWebdate people gave me “Tinadoodles” as a nickname. What, can’t think of an even cornier nick, ChoPaeng? Hahahaha! Jesus.

On the “lighter” side of the fence, things are great now that I started to religiously take Dulcolax. It seemed that the world just got a little bit softer, less abrasive… okay, you got me, I’m not talking about the world. I jest, I jest.

I mentioned a blog ago that I finally ran out of cigs and now I’m smoke-free for two solid days. That would’ve been awesome except I’m driving myself crazy thinking where I can buy smokes without being recognized.

Now, before you think I have an inflated sense of self-importance (contrary to popular belief, I don’t.), hear me out. Coming from a long line of first settlers here in this quaint little province, a small town where virtually everybody knows almost everyone, it’s impossible for people not to know who my mother is, where I live and unfortunately, find out what I choose to inhale.

Buying cigs here is not as easy as it looks and the last thing I want to hear is my mom asking why this tindera from this store said I bought two kaha of yosi when I promised that I already quit smoking two years ago.

Do I sound like I’m exagerrating? Trust me, I am so not. My mom, being one of the first to open an Auto parts shop here in Paniqui, is known by pretty much most townfolks, especially in parts of town where a lot of mechanic and tinderas hang out. I don’t want news reaching my mom how her darling daughter spent her intarnet time buying smokes in a little sari-sari store which as it turns out, is owned by someone she happens to know very well.

Here’s a great example, there are two big grocery stores here in Paniqui, Tan Hok and Red Camia. Now, you might think I can just waltz in and buy me the stuff I need in any of there store but hold up, both shop owners are friends of my mom and her dad. And they know me. Their kaheras also knows me and my two other siblings. The former, she knows way back as my grandad and their grandad are chummies in WWII while the latter, my mom does business with them (incidentally, he peddles fake cigs which makes me a bit wary of buying from him). So no. There are also a lot of little sari-sari stores here that I could go except my mom knows these people as well. So there. This town is too small for comfort. Waaaaahhhh!!!

The fact that that I look so chinay doesn’t help my cause. I stick out like a sore thumb which make being total  incognito hard to pull. I’ve spent two days rubber-necking for the perfect place to buy a new stash, spent two days figuring out when and how to buy cigs (my disguise would be me scratching my nose a lot while buying things so that manong tindero won’t regocnize my mug and say “Ay, anak ito ni ______ and say, does your mom know you smoke? Kababae mong tao, ineng.”) This sucks so bad.

I know I could just ditch the habit from here. After all, it’s hard to stop smoking and this might be a good opportunity to do so. But the thing is, smoking brings me a little comfort. I know it’s a filthy habit, that it kills, that one stick alone has about gazillions of chemicals bad for the health, blahblahblah, whatever. One stick a day is good enough for me. Just one. I will quit someday, just… not now.

P.S. A couple of friends of mine (they happens to be one of the few who knows this blog site exists) said something really nice about the content of this site. I just wanted to say thanks for the kind words 🙂 I really appreciate it.

I haz it. It’s becoming more and more prevalent at night, when all is quiet and everyone’s soundly asleep in the Lee household. To be honest, I never would’ve thought that I’d be unemployed on my birthday. Not that being unemployed right now is a bad thing. Quite the contrary, being here gave me the peace I’ve been looking for during the times when working in the city became too much to handle. However, my pending responsibilities in the city makes me worry these days. It’s not like these bills are gonna pay themselves, ya know.

I took a lot time thinking about quitting work and it was a calculated risk on my part. I can say with confidence that I made enough to keep me covered for a considerably long time but I’m somehow not okay with that. It’s so weird. I have nothing to worry about except I do worry. What makes it worse for me is that I hate the idea of my older sister being alone in the house for a long time.

So now, I have these What Now moments at night which leaves me to wonder if I should head back or not. It’s quite frustrating, tsk. It usually starts with a lengthy internal monolgue like “Okay, you wanted a vacation and now you had it, can we go now?”. I ignore the little voice in my head but couldn’t help wondering if the voice is on to something. Heh. Also, my old routines are slowly getting on my nerves. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking down from a high cliff , seeing what the rest of my life will look like and I don’t like it one bit, or at least, I don’t like it for now.

So to stop driving myself insane, I resolve to “seriously” start looking for work next month or the month after that. Hopefully a homebased gig because recently, I hate talking to people and tend to lock myself up for no apparent reason, hehehhe. Or do some freelance work. I just need something to keep my mind busy for awhile.

On a totally unrelated note, I have also picked up a new hobby, gambling my money away for a chance to be a millionaire, hahahah! I’ve set my eyes on the 270 mil lotto jackpot. It’s truly ridiculous because I know it’s a long shot but I hopped on the band wagon and spend like, 120 everyday gambling. I planned to stop only when the prize money gets handed out to someone finally. And I’m running out of cigs.

Despite my reservations with regards to going back to ol’ cubicle land, I still went ahead as planned (I’m blaming my dad) and hated every nano-second of it. Firstly, I met up with an old office mate of mine because I haven’t seen her since I left the city. It was great, however, from  what I gathered, things are not looking up in the office. There were tales of our bosses turning into a couple of Nazis overnight, of sordid LQs, unreasonable new rules and generally grabbing everyone’s balls and squeezing it using a vice grip. Okay, I made the last bit up. It was bad and everyone are pissed at the infidels bosses. As mean as it sounds, the situation made me feel smug and relieved because everyone’s miserable and not just me, bwahahahahha!

When I finally decided to report to our office, my boss made me wait for three fucking hours. Yes, same old, as always. Things picked up pace when she finally able to drag her ass to the office to sign my resignation letter.

There was actually a pretty hilarious moment that happened during our conversation. She oh-so-subtly said something about scoring me with a new writing gig. The bad news was that the payout would be much lower as compared to my old fee. After she said her piece, she gave me an expectant look. We literally looked each other in the eye for maybe three or four seconds without saying anything.

My god, she actually thought I’ll go back to work with that flimsy spiel of hers! It was so hilariously insulting that it took a Herculean effort not to open my mouth and say something totally douchebag-ish. I wanted to shout out something like “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Let me tell you something, if you are coaxing a resigned employee to go back to the work force, you have to make sure you are giving her a offer she won’t be able to refuse. It still surprises me how some people can be this thick, ya know?

After that, I heard so many bad things from my ex-officemates. One friend of mine literally said that my boss is the fricken devil. Wow. Everybody was looking up Jobstreet in hopes to find a better company to work for, it’s that deprave. It makes me glad that I bailed out just in time for that kind of scenario.

As much fun as it was, hearing all the dirt being dished out, I can’t help but feel dismayed because nobody’s doing anything about it except to sing the same old song. I remember my sister saying something once, “If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen” Everyone’s harps on and on and yet they still continue to work in that god-forsaken place.

One officemate  told me that quitting work for these folks aren’t as easy as I think because most of them are bread winners. She’s right, to a certain extent. I’ve always been a firm believer that everyone has a choice. We can’t resign ourselves to mediocrity and expect glory nor fulfillment. We make excuses for so many things when we know deep down it ain’t right, we keep holding on to something that are worth squat just because we are afraid of changes, of not meeting people’s expectations, of challenging ourselves. It’s ridiculous. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, yo.

Earlier that day, I had a job interview somewhere in Makati. There wasn’t anything remotely interesting with the interview. I guess it’s because I tried my damnedest to tone down the chatterbox lest I start talking about things I shouldn’t. The whole thing was cordial, awkward and uneventful, just the way I like my job interviews, heheheh.

Ah.. yes, and Valentines came and went without delay. As always, I didn’t have a date. That’s okay though. I spent my time with my sister shopping and stuffing our faces with foodstuff before leaving the city. It was awesome. Except my stomach is soooo ginormous now. I’m zoooo fat, it makes me sick just thinking about it.

Currently I’m back here in my hometown, counting cars, hahaha! I couldn’t believe how homesick I was when I got back from the metro! Honestly, I’m beginning to sink deeper and deeper into the whole lazy sub-urban kind of life and it scares the living shit outta me. So much so that I decided that I should give myself a little motivation so that I’ll have the strength to leave home and start earning moolahs. I decided to give mysefl a deadline. By December I must have a new laptop. Preferably an Inspiron or an iMac. I’d be damned if I start feeling that mundanity is actually cool.

I just had the most curious day! My baby brother is currently studying in the same (pre) school that my sister and I attended to eons twenty years ago.To be honest, I almost forgot how fun it was back then. Setting foot on my old school brought back those happy times.

Today, I dropped him off to school myself and I stumbled upon my old kindergarten teacher, who, amazingly, still remembers me down to my last name even after a couple of decades already passed! It was really thrilling!

As a child, I’ve always been fond of Teacher Sionni because she’s a real sweetheart and seeing her now was a really pleasant surprise.The experience made us both feel wistfully old and gray but it was great that we still both remember each other.

Can you imagine that? Twenty years has passed since I scuttled along those hallways with my sister, handing out yemas, leeching off candies while trading exaggerated banters with my class mates!

Twenty fucking years. My God, it was that long?